This story “tells” better than it “reads,” but nonetheless, in New Orleans Square at Disneyland in April, 2007, we were told we could find Captain Jack Sparrow up in the Art Gallery, the inclement weather not being to his suiting, despite the fact, as our guide told us, “He hasn’t been in water in a very long time. And he smells like it.”

Captain Sparrow greeted us warmly with a dismissive sneer and wave of the hand, but did finally deign to engage in conversation. I repeated the comment about his not being in water in a very long time, to which he responded, lips curling, “What do you think I work on, dear boy?”

“That is ON the water,” I replied, “not IN the water.”

He paused, looked at me with the slightest hint of appreciation, and said, “Boom!”

The next morning, we were dining at Cafe Orleans, again, in New Orleans Square. As our food was being served, Captain Sparrow swaggered near us with his wenches. In the spirit of hospitality, we invited him to join us for breakfast. He approached our table, sniffed our fare and politely declined. Which is to say, he didn’t turn the table over and smash the dishes to the ground.

I don’t remember why, but I then offered the Captain a small coin, which I showed him, palmed and then pretended to pass off to him. He left with his coin purse, only to return moments later to demand his coin. I pointed at one of his escorts and said, “She has it,” while taking her hand and dropping the coin in as I opened her palm. Obviously dazzled by my wizardry, the good Captain offered a badge of honor for the wee ones in our group and left merrily on his way.

And that is how I bested Captain Jack Sparrow — twice!